A man is wondering if he made the right decision encouraging his girlfriend to get a second job.
Taking to Reddit‘s “Am I the A–hole” forum, the distressed boyfriend explained that his partner “has a lot of credit card debt,” which he believed was from traveling.
One year into their relationship, they’re looking to get a place together. However, there’s a large disparity between how much they make. Her debt also complicates matters. That’s what inspired him to bring up the idea of a second job.
The man proposed that his girlfriend work more, sparking an argument.
In his post, the Redditor said that his partner “makes about half as much as me and she said that when she moves in she can only pay a little bit less than half the rent and nothing for utilities.”
They both imagine her becoming a stay at home mom in the future, but right now that’s not a possibility.
“I suggested for her to get a second job to help pay off her debt so I can keep saving but she didn’t like that idea. She said that it’s selfish of me not to allow her to pay less than half so she can pay off her debt,” he explained.
In an update, the man explained that he’d be alright with her managing a third of the costs. But he said that he didn’t think even that would be possible for the first few months.
“Also we don’t have a super expensive apartment. And it’d be a part time job on weekends or something just to help pay off the debt for the 6 months or however long that takes,” he added.
The Redditor did not get a lot of support in the replies.
Though he was looking for encouragement from others, many Redditors rushed to tell him that he was, in fact, part of the problem.
“Some men want a tradwife who does all the chores and child care but also has a job and pays half the bills,” one person wrote in the replies. “Personally, I think nobody should put themselves in a position where they depend on someone’s good will for a living. But if [original poster]’s girlfriend wants to go the SAHM route, she should pay attention to how OP is reacting now. This guy isn’t a provider. He’s a taker. She’ll end up financially abused, with nowhere to go.”
Others took issue with him wanting to aim for an even split in their finances, considering the sharp disparity in their earnings.
“Dude, expecting someone who earns half what you earn pay 50% of everything is unfair. I don’t see how you believe that you are going to be a provider when you’re expecting her to get a second job so you can save more. That’s not how partnership works,” one person wrote.
Another agreed, saying that the man was wrong.
“Split based on income,” they recommended. “You pay 2/3 and she pays 1/3. I do think it’s reasonable to ask her to pay off her debt before she becomes SAHM and you provide 100% of the income, but you can’t expect her to do so while living beyond her means.”
They added, “Alternative option if you want to split bills 50/50, live somewhere SHE can afford her half not somewhere YOU can afford your half. Lower your standard of living expectation so she can meet the goals you both agree on but without putting undue stress on her. Added bonus to this scenario is that you’ll also be spending less and can save more for that down payment.”
Yet another person pointed out that their current situation was a sign of a larger issue within the relationship.
“Honestly, they shouldn’t even be thinking about marriage, SAHM, etc until her debt is paid off. Why should he pay the debt she chose to take on before they even met? Once SHE’s actually cleared the debt (or has a realistic plan on how she is going to pay) then they can talk about to split finances.”
Posted To:Human Interest Reddit