So many people think there’s a dollar figure that will finally alleviate their financial anxiety. If you can just hustle, control, sacrifice, a little longer until you finally reach that milestone – then, you tell yourself, then you’ll finally feel okay, safe, successful, like you can relax.
There is some truth to that. Certainly, you can experience a lot of relief when you finally get debt-free, stop living pay cheque to pay cheque, or hit a significant savings or investment goal. But those are not the scenarios I’m referring to.
I’m talking about the multiple six-figure earner who is burning himself out to get to that seven-figure net-worth because only then will he will finally feel successful. Or the careful professional with multiple six-figures in investments, who is still avoiding spending on small luxuries out of fear.
I’m talking about the early-retirement enthusiast who is diligently squirrelling away every extra dollar into investments, counting down the years until they can finally start living their ‘real’ life. Or those who are financially stable, but are still perpetually postponing their experience of life until a future financial milestone in the name of ambition or responsibility.
However, what I’ve seen in working with my clients, is that while that future milestone may arrive, the experience of life that you thought would come with it, often doesn’t. Here’s why:
You create your feelings, not your money
Money does not create feelings. It can’t reach into your brain and push the “happy” or “sad” button. Your feelings are internally generated by you. Yes, you respond to your external stimulus emotionally, but still – you are the one generating the experience.
If you really want to change your experience of money – you have to break some emotional habits.
This distinction is subtle but important. It means you have some power in changing how you feel. It means you don’t have to wait until some future milestone to feel how you want to feel.
You don’t have to wait until you hit a specific net-worth, or salary, or revenue in your business, to feel successful. You don’t have to wait until you pay off your mortgage, hit your ‘early-retirement’ number, or reach a specific savings goal, to feel secure. You can choose to start feeling that now.
If your knee-jerk reaction is “but how can I feel that way, without the circumstances to justify it?” Remember – you are responsible for your feelings. You don’t need any permission or circumstance to start feeling the way you want to feel, right now.
Is this easier said than done? Yes. Not because it’s not possible – but because you already have a practiced response to your financial situation, which takes time to unlearn and rewire.
But this is the key to changing your experience of money. In fact, I would argue this is the only way to start changing your experience of money, because…
Your practiced response to money becomes habitual
The ‘rat race’ isn’t just financial – it’s also psychological and emotional. This is the reason so many high-achievers stay stuck in a mode of ‘striving but never arriving’.
Your emotional experience, repeated over time, becomes habitual. If your practiced response to your financial situation is dissatisfaction, then that is the emotional habit you will have created.
Even when your financial situation changes, even when you finally hit that big goal of yours, it won’t take long before you return to your baseline emotional state.
This is why many people have the experience of achieving some progress – an increase in salary, a bonus, achieving a specific milestone, paying off the mortgage – but quickly, their emotional experience does not feel significantly different to before.
If they were stressed about the debt before, they are now stressed about achieving a savings goal. If they were anxious or dissatisfied before the promotion, it’s not long before they feel that way again and are eyeing another pay-increase.
In fact, you might even unconsciously re-create the old situation because that feels familiar and safe. You see this in lottery winners who, within a few years, end up back in the same situation they were in before. Struggle and lack feel familiar, abundance does not.
So, if you really want to change your experience of money – you have to break some emotional habits. You have to change your practiced emotional responses to your financial situation.
This is the work most people avoid. It is easier to continue chasing the next number, and telling yourself that ‘when’ you get there, then you will finally feel (insert feeling).
Because as long as that milestone is in the future, you can avoid the real question: why do you need a specific number to justify how you want to feel – instead of choosing to feel that now?
Paridhi Jain is founder of SkilledSmart, which helps adults learn to manage, save and invest money through financial education courses and classes.
- Advice given in this article is general in nature and not intended to influence readers’ decisions about investing or financial products. They should always seek their own professional advice that takes into account their own personal circumstances before making any financial decisions.
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Paridhi Jain is the founder of financial education platform, SkilledSmart, which has helped hundreds of adults become financially confident by teaching them practical strategies to manage, save and invest their money.